Many wonderful people told me that having a child would bring me a whole new understanding of God’s love. I absolutely believed that but I had no way to understand it. Not until my son was born.
I had a lot of fear and doubts about becoming a mother when I was pregnant with my son. I prayed so hard for this child, I wanted him so desperately and I couldn’t believe it when he came to be, but I doubted who I was.
I have always been one who struggled with identity. Struggled with my looks, my voice, my smile. I know that’s normal for girls to go through, but I had always thought that would go away when I placed my life in Christ.
Somehow still I doubt who I am, knowing full well I am a Child of God. I doubt my abilities. I doubt my strength. I doubt my calling. I know that’s normal for us mere humans, but it bothers me anyway.
I will be the first to admit that I care too much about what others think of me. Often times I wind up convinced I am disliked by everyone I know. That I’m a failure. That I don’t deserve love.
I doubt. I’m a doubter. I doubt that my husband could really love me. I doubt that I’m truly following God’s plan, even when He continues to show me grace and mercy again and again. Even when He answers me in the boldness that I challenge Him, so clearly that I have nothing left to argue against.
I fight it. I fight the changes in life and the love because I don’t understand it.
It seems silly, but today I see how God’s love overcomes that. Today I see that through my precious son in something as simple as tummy time.
As he’s growing he likes it less and less. He fights it, even though it’s good for him. It’s essential to his development. I know this and that’s why I make him do it, whether he’s happy about it or not. I know this, but he doesn’t understand it. He can’t understand it because it is bigger than what he can comprehend. We do tummy time every day because I care for him. I love him. And I see what’s best for him, because my understanding is much greater than his.
I feel that’s how we are with God and His great plan. We fight it. We scream. We cry. We beg for Him to remove us from certain situations. We know that He’s there, watching us, keeping us safe, but we don’t understand why we have to continue to lay there. We don’t see the whole picture. We don’t understand.
That doesn’t mean God doesn’t love us. That means He is far greater than us and He sees how essential our situation is for our development and growth as a Christian. He knows that even though it’s not what we want to do that it’s good for us. He knows this and allows this because He loves us. He cares for us. We are His child. He would never do something to hurt us. He turns Satan’s attacks into goodness someway, somehow, if only we allow ourselves to see it. And sometimes we don’t get answers. Sometimes we just don’t know. And that’s okay. Because He is far greater and bigger and we are so small and in need and have such a small piece of that understanding.
He looks at us with love. A love that I will never fully comprehend, but just might see more clearly and different because of the love I have for my sweet son.
As we come to this weekend of Easter, and always, it’s so important that we remember that great love. Remember that cross. Remember the blood. God loves you. He cares for you. So much that He sent His one and only Son. To die. A brutal death. Taking on the full wrath of God. For you. So that you don’t have to. IF ONLY you should choose to accept His forgiveness and love and REPENT and turn away from your sins. To place your life in the hands of JESUS: The one who overcame death. The precious and beautiful and wonderful and powerful name He holds. The only way to a life eternal with the God who is the definition of Love.
God is love. My miracle is just a glimpse of that sweetness.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God.”
John 3:16-18 ESV
“Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him.”
1 John 4:8-9 ESV